


running after you is like chasing the clouds

by joeckfanfic



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, a little bit of an ambiguous ending, slight spoilers for infinity war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 12:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14894829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joeckfanfic/pseuds/joeckfanfic
Summary: “You’re –” Jack says, but he stops talking. It happens a lot nowadays, people tend to get starstruck when he saves them. Those YouTube videos are a blessing in disguise for his ego.“Your friendly neighbourhood Spider Man,” Joe says, clearing his throat. “Doing whatever a…Spider Man does?”or, the spiderman au that no one asked for.





	running after you is like chasing the clouds

**Author's Note:**

> So there's a few things that I've played around with to work better with the story; no one is a YouTuber here, it's all set in London (because as much as I'd love to imagine it - I don't think Wiltshire would have a big enough crime rate for a vigilante to help out in) and there's a ten year age gap between Zoe and Joe. So basically, Zoe's Aunt May.
> 
> Also, there's a slight spoiler for Infinity War, so if you haven't seen it yet, please do not read the last paragraph!

Every superhero has their own tragic backstory, and Joe’s no different from the rest. He doesn’t speak about it, he doesn’t use it to get the upper hand. It’s the past, he knows he can’t change it, no matter how much he wants to. But it’s there, at the back of his mind, nagging at him to do better, to _be_ better. He couldn’t stop his parents dying, but he can do something good now.

He didn’t have much control over his mother’s death. Joe was six when his mother died. He doesn’t have too many memories left of his mother when she was healthy, but he remembers their frequent trips to the hospital and he remembers the teddy bear the nurses bought him on his fifth birthday. (Peter, he ended up calling it. He’s still got Peter on his dresser in his room to keep him company.) He remembers the night his mother had died – his father had been taken to the side away from the children, and he looked up at Zoe, who knew what was happening. She held onto his hand, tightly. It had hurt him, but he didn’t let go.

He remembers the funeral, his curious eyes always falling back to the coffin in front of him. He wasn’t allowed to go near it, but when his father wasn’t paying attention he snuck over to it, climbing up onto the chair beside it to take a peak inside. He looked down at the woman lying in it, who was supposed to be his mother. He remembers that she didn’t have the warm smile he was used to, and she looked almost like a ghost. He wishes he could still remember what she looked like when she was healthy, but he relies on the many photographs that are dotted around Zoe’s flat for that.

His father had done so much to bring some normality back into their lives after that. He worked two jobs to make sure there was always food on the table, yet he still managed to make it home in time to read Joe his bedtime story every night. They went on so many adventures together – to Narnia, to Hogwarts, to Terebithia – and they were supposed to go on more. But when Joe was eleven, that opportunity was taken away from him.

He came home from school that evening feeling upset, after failing a maths exam, and his father decided to take him out for ice cream to cheer him up. Zoe had stayed at home, working on an assignment for university, and Joe was secretly glad for the alone time with his father.

He remembers talking to his father about Iron Man, about how he wanted to be Tony Stark when he grew up. “You should only aspire to be you,” his father had said, and Joe had wanted to laugh at that because, did he _know_ Tony Stark? The guy was a genius! But he didn’t get to say that – he just heard the gunshot, and his father’s gasp. His father stumbled backwards and fell to the floor. Joe called out for someone to get an ambulance, and then he held his father as he took his last breaths.

Zoe answered the door that night, her eyes widening at the two policemen that brought Joe home. And then she saw Joe, the jumper he was wearing stained with his father’s blood. She opened her arms, and he instantly ran into them, finally letting the tears out. “I’m sorry,” he kept repeating, but he didn’t know what he was apologising for.

He was fifteen when he was bitten by the spider that gave him his powers. He doesn’t remember much of that, although he knows he was rushed into hospital from how sick he had gotten. The doctors didn’t expect the fast recovery that came after, but that was due to his heeling abilities. Zoe stills talks about his miraculous recovery, which he feels sort of guilty about. If it wasn’t for that bite, he wouldn’t have gotten sick in the first place. Once he understood the weight of the powers he had gotten, he decided to put them to use. He strived to make the city of London safe. To make sure no one else had to go through the same ordeal he had to all those years ago. There’s still a scar on his wrist from the bitemark, and he finds himself picking at it when he’s stressed or he feels like he’s let someone down. Which, happens quite a few times, but he doesn’t like thinking about that.

And now here he is at twenty-one, having moved out of the flat he had shared with Zoe throughout his whole life and moved into his own with his friends. It’s scary and it’s exciting, but he’s in his final year of university and he’s going to make something of his life. Although, the superhero thing will always come first to him. He might not be an Avenger, or anywhere close to it, but he thinks that he could be, one day.

 

**

 

“Have you seen the video on YouTube of that Spider kid?” Mikey says, with a mouth full of cereal, as he shoves the phone under Jack’s face.

“We gave you a key for emergencies,” Jack groans tiredly, reluctantly taking the phone out of Mikey’s hand.

“And it was an emergency, I ran out of Coco Pops,” Mikey says with a shrug, lifting the bowl to his mouth so he can slurp up the leftover milk. Normally, Jack would complain about Mikey’s lack of manners, but he’s watching the video with a look of intensity that Joe’s never seen before. He doesn’t really know how he feels about it.

“He’s insane,” Jack mumbles, as the video comes to a finish. Joe doesn’t know what’s actually happening in the video, but he’s sure it’s one of his awesome rescues.

“I don’t know how he’s still alive,” Mikey says, flinging the spoon in his hand with every word he says. “That guy keeps running into really dangerous situations. It’s like he’s got a thing for risky situations.”

Joe frowns at that, because of course he doesn’t have a _thing_ for it. He might have a bit of a hero complex, but who wouldn’t in his situation when the world is constantly under attack?

“I wonder why he goes by Spider Man. I mean, out of everything he could have chosen to name himself after, he goes with spiders. Who actually likes spiders?” Mikey asks, no one in particular, and Joe wants to defend himself because _fuck you, spiders are actually pretty cool and their powers are great are great to have_ , but instead he takes a long swig of his coffee.

“I like it,” Jack says with a shrug, passing the phone back to Mikey. Joe hides his smile at that, holding the mug close to his lips. He shouldn’t feel giddy at the idea of Jack liking his alter ego’s name, but he’s a mess at the moment. He allows himself this one moment, before he gets on with the day ahead of him.

 

**

 

Realising he was madly in love with one of his best friends wasn’t part of the plan. Although, he’s never actually had a plan in life. He just sort of goes with whatever disastrous thing happens to him next.

In hindsight, falling in love with Jack was inevitable.

He always found Jack attractive, it was hard not to. And that was okay, he could live with that. Because he found a lot of people attractive, but he never thought anything more of it. But then Jack had been cooking breakfast one morning, wearing one of Joe’s t-shirts (their washing always gets messed up), his boxers and a pair of socks. He had been dancing to the music, using the spatula as a microphone to sing along to the song on the radio – _Believe_ by Cher, which he still can’t listen to without feeling a pang in his heart. And Joe was a goner.

If the superhero thing doesn’t kill him, this whole _falling in_ _love_ thing will.

 

**

 

“I know it’s not like he’s doing it on purpose,” Joe sighs, his back leaning against the telephone box. “He’s constantly bringing someone new home every night. And like yeah – the first night he brought some random guy over it made me a little hopeful because then I knew he wasn’t entirely straight, but that doesn’t really mean anything for me in the long run, does it? I don’t have solid proof that liking guys could eventually unravel into him liking _me_. But yeah, it sucks, if I’m being honest. Because he’s never going to settle down, especially for someone like me. I’m the weirdo that he lives with that walks around in a Captain America onesie using an empty washing powder box to pretend to be my shield. I know I should just get on with my own life, maybe bring some people home myself too, but I can’t because I’m in this big funk. I don’t know what to do.”

The man that Joe – _Spider Man_ – has webbed to the ATM that he unsuccessfully tried to rob gives him a sympathetic smile.

“Do you think there’s a chance that the reason he’s bringing home all these other people so much, could be because they’re not you?”

“I don’t want to think about that. Because if I get my hopes up, and he ends up falling in love with someone else, it would kill me.”

“That’s rough,” the guy says, and Joe nods along. He’s glad he has someone he can confide in. “Wait – you pretend to be Captain America? How old are you anyways?”

“The man is a living hero!” Joe returns defensively, folding his arms.

“You have your own powers though,” the thug points out. “Which by the way, are really good. I’ve been trying to escape the whole time you’ve been talking.”

“I make the webs myself,” Joe says, proudly, and the thug gives him a thumb up with his free hand. Their bonding session is rudely interrupted by a police officer, and Joe stands up taller, trying to look just like the professional that he is.

“I better not catch you here again,” he says, pointing to the thug, before turning to face the police officer. “I’ll let you handle it from here.”

“Good work Spider Man,” the officer says, and Joe grins. It’s not the life he had imagined when he first found out about his powers, but he wouldn’t change it for a thing.

 

**

 

Except maybe, he’d find a way to get more sleep in.

He’s yawning when he walks into the kitchen, and watches as Jack and Caspar are making breakfast. Jack pushes a bowl of cereal in front of Joe, and he finds himself smiling regardless of his lack of sleep.

“You look horrible,” Caspar says, and Joe sticks his middle finger up at him. He didn’t wake up just to be harassed.

“Are you okay?” Jack asks, and Joe looks up from his bowl of Shreddies to see that Jack actually looks concerned.

“Yeah,” he says, shrugging it aside. “I stayed up late working on an assignment and I lost track of time. I’ll probably just nap in class like I normally do, I’ll be fine.”

“That’s my boy,” Caspar grins, slapping his back as he walks past him, digging into a slice of toast. He goes into his room, leaving Joe alone with Jack.

“You know you can talk to me,” Jack says, and he nods, not exactly knowing what he should say. He doesn’t think this is a conversation he can have yet. “You can trust me Joe.”

“I know,” he finally says, his throat feeling tight.

He’s keeping his alter ego a secret to keep his friends safe. So why does he feel so bad?

 

**

 

**Group chat >> dad look it’s the good kush **

**Conor** has added **Bryon** , **Caspar** , **Jack** , **Joe** , **Josh** , **Mikey** , and **Oli**.

 

**Conor:** so for the first time in foreVER we’re all free this weekend

**Josh:** oh no

**Caspar:** my liver still hasn’t recovered from the last time

**Joe:** or your dignity

**Conor:** as the only person to have survived their final year of university, i have decided to make sure you all have the best year ever

**Jack:** yep bc your final year was such a success

**Conor:** don’t make me delete you

**Jack:** one night you got so drunk that you fell asleep in a bush looking for a cat

**Jack:** Conorsbush.jpg

**Conor has removed Jack from the conversation.**

**Mikey:** bro where are your pants?

**Conor has removed Mikey from the conversation.**

**Bryon:** rip us

 

**

 

His head is leaning against Jack’s shoulder, as they’re waiting for their chips. The chipper is much too bright for his liking (damn his spidey senses), but Jack’s really comfortable which helps.

“Did you have a good night?” Jack asks, his voice soft. Although all of their friends are here, his question is aimed only to Joe, which makes him feel nice and warm.

“I did, it was really nice. I think we needed it,” he says. And maybe he means that _he_ needed it. He needed to feel normal, to feel like a young man again. The nights that he doesn’t need to wear his mask are getting fewer, which is something he can live with, but he appreciates them so much.

“I worry about you sometimes. You just – you get into your own world sometimes. And I wish I could help, I wish I could take you out of there and bring you back to earth. But you’re unreachable.”

Joe opens his mouth to say something, _anything_ , but then their order is called and they’re eating in silence, and he doesn’t know what to say except “you’ve got garlic sauce on your lips.” He watches Jack lick his lips, getting rid of the sauce, and the moment should be ruined, but he finds himself laughing. Jack laughs along with him, and he thinks he’ll get away with his sad attempt to change the conversation.

Conor puts his arms around the two of them, and starts singing to the chip shop owner, which is normally the time to leave. When they’re helping Conor onto the sofa in their sitting room, their hands accidentally brush. And it’s cool, it’s okay. He’s not a schoolgirl who can’t contain his feelings, even if he does feel a rush of electricity flow through his skin. Jack follows him into his room, and the two sit on his bed, their backs against the wall.

“Sometimes I dream about him,” Joe says, his eyes glued to his hands. “My father, I mean. I wonder what he’d think of the man I’ve become. Would he be proud of me? How different things would be if he didn’t die? And I think of my mother too – or, what I can remember of her. There’s parts of course, but it’s mainly all the sad things.”

He does have one memory of her where she’s healthy. He doesn’t remember how old he was, but he remembers dancing around the room with her, listening to ABBA songs on repeat. She loved music, and he loved spending time with her. She was the dancing queen, and he was the boy who stared at her like she hung the moon. There’s a picture from that day, and he treasures it more than anything.

“I think they’d both be so proud of you,” Jack tells him, placing a hand over his shoulder. “God knows how proud Zoe is of you. How proud _I_ am of you.” He lifts his head, watching Jack. The words sink in, and he almost feels like crying. “There’s such a heavy weight on your shoulders, and it’s all because you put it there. You’re so hard on yourself, when there’s no reason for it. You need to be kinder to yourself, put yourself first for once. It’s okay to feel how you feel Joe, but you should try talking to someone when it gets like this. I’ll be here for you – if you need me.”

Joe knows that he’ll always need Jack, but he doesn’t dare say it. He wishes he could take some time for himself but there’s so many people out there that need his help. He’s managed to get a following on the internet, and there’s kids walking around with _actual_ Spider Man shirts. The city needs him, and he won’t disappoint anyone again.

But he doesn’t say that. Instead, he says he’ll try his best to stop stressing so much. Jack sees right through the lie, but he doesn’t say anything.

Jack always knows what he needs.

 

**

 

They wake up in his bed together, fully clothed. Nothing happened, not that Joe had expected it, but it’s the best night sleep he’s ever had. He steps out of bed, watching a snoring Jack, and he wishes he could live in this moment.

Instead, he makes his way to the bathroom. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and finds Zoe’s number. It’s been a while since they spoke, but when she picks up it’s like they’ve never stopped. She fills him in on everything – her boyfriend Alfie’s got a promotion at work, Nala broke a leg after an accident chasing a cat and Zoe’s thinking of starting a blog in her free time. He tells her about university, and the new books he’s reading. It’s not much, but he likes sharing the things he loves with her.

“Zoe? Do you want to come to the graves with me?” he asks, and there’s a pause on the other side of the phone, before he finally hears her shaky “yes”. It’s been a while since she asked him to come with him.

(He remembers the time he accidentally called her mum. He had been rushing out the door to get the bus for school, and she passed him his lunch. He grabbed it quickly and shouted out a “thanks mum!” as he started to make his way to the door. But he stopped, standing still as he let the words he just said sink in. He turned around to see Zoe looking like she was just about to cry, and he tried to apologise but she ran over to him to hold him tightly.

“It’s us against the world Joe,” she had said, and he held on even tighter.) 

He hangs up and makes his way to the kitchen. Jack is already there, and there’s a bowl of cereal waiting for him in the seat opposite Jack’s. He sits down and takes a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” Jack asks, watching him.

“I think I will be.”

And this time, it feels like he finally means it.

 

**

 

He’s on patrol, when Joe hears an awful sound.

He swings from his webs to the source of the scared shouting and is horrified to see Jack in the middle of it all. There’s four men surrounding him, and he can see the bloody nose that Jack has. He sees one of the men taking a knife out, and Joe sees red.

He shoots a web onto the knife and pulls it away from the man. This gets their attention, and he launches himself from the roof, with an easy flip. He’d normally feel pretty pleased with the performance he’s pulling off, but he’s pretty pissed off at the moment. 

What happens next is a bunch of punches being thrown, some yelling, a lot of profanity, and it takes a little while, but about twenty minutes later, all there’s left to the entire debacle is a shocked looking Jack, and Joe’s thumping heart. He hurts like a bitch from the blows he had taken but he’ll be fine in a few hours, a few days at most.

“You’re –” Jack says, but he stops talking. It happens a lot nowadays, people tend to get starstruck when he saves them. Those YouTube videos are a blessing in disguise for his ego.

“Your friendly neighbourhood Spider Man,” he says, clearing his throat. “Doing whatever a…Spider Man does?”

And before he can make any bad decision, letting it slip somehow that it’s actually his roommate that saved him not some local vigilante who should _really_ be at home studying for his finals, he disappears into the shadows of the alley walls.

“Wait!” he hears Jack call out, and he stays. He knows he shouldn’t, knows that it’s safer for them both if he just shoots a web and flings himself off into the distance. But he stays, because it’s Jack, and he’ll always do what Jack asks.

Jack finds him, hanging upside from a staircase leading to the block of flats above them, and it’s not the best position to be in after the blows he had received. Still, his heeling abilities should kick in any second now, so he’ll live. “Thank you,” Jack says, in a soft and sincere manner, and Joe thinks his heart might leap out of his chest.

He doesn’t say anything back, instead he lets the sounds of the vibrant city around them fill the air. He watches Jack step closer, watching him like he’s trying to figure out if this is a dream or not, and then he feels a hand on his mask.

_Shit_.

His movements are slow, ridiculously slow, and the heavy feelings in Joe’s chest practically ache by the time his mask is pulled over his chin. Jack’s fingers barely graze over Joe’s throat and his eyes are taking in every patch of bare skin that is revealed to him. He takes a heavy breath, deep in anticipation.

He knows what’s coming and he needs to stop it, needs to get away from this huge mistake he’s allowing himself to make. Because this is dangerous, this is playing with fire he doesn’t think he’s able to handle. It’s like the Mirror of Erised – ‘this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible.’

Kissing Jack will give him the key to everything that he’s ever wanted, but at such a hard price. He’ll never come back from tasting Jack, his heart will forever be with the boy who’s underneath him. He has to stop it.

He doesn’t.

It’s soft. Much softer than Joe had ever imagined their first kiss would be. Jack’s lips are soft and warm against his, and the smell of him is so much stronger for being so close. Jack’s hand inches up to his neck, holding Joe – _Spider Man_ – close to him. He lets Jack guide his jaw slightly to the side and deepen the kiss for a fraction of the second, but then the rational side of his brain is screaming at him about all the thousands of ways this could go wrong.

And he’s pulling away.

They stare at each other for what seems like hours, before he looks down to see that his suit has been damaged. There’s a tear on the sleeve of his left arm, and his bitemark is on show. He doesn’t wait to see if Jack’s seen it yet, instead he makes his escape.

He goes straight to their flat, waiting up for Jack’s arrival home. He pretends he’s not disappointed when he hears Jack go into his own bedroom.

 

**

 

**Group chat >> this group chat supports caspar’s hairy naked ass**

**Members >> Caspar, Jack, Joe, Josh**.

 

**Josh:** flat night out?

**Caspar:** someone has finally risen from the dead

**Jack:** pretty sure i heard you scream FINALS at four am last night

**Josh:** if i don’t get out of this room i think i might die the books are talking to me

**Joe:** that’s obviously what you get for studying law you absolute idiot

**Josh:** objection!!!

**Josh:** …that is all i have learned

 

**

 

**Incoming message >> Jack **

why didn’t you tell me you were spider man?

 

**

 

Joe solves this situation with his solution to almost every problem he has faced since starting university.

He gets drunk.

“You talk a lot when you’re drunk,” Jack points out, and Joe has the horrific realisation that Jack is completely sober. He’s not sure how he missed it earlier, but he feels betrayed. “You also do a lot of reckless shit, but it turns out that you’re a reckless idiot when you’re sober too.”

“You weren’t supposed to find out,” Joe groans, feeling sorry for himself.

He looks up, and the look in Jack’s eyes is enough to kill him. “And you were supposed to be able to trust me.”

 

**

 

**Outgoing text >> Jack**

our scheduled heart to heart needs to be postponed because i’m going to visit zoe

 

**Outgoing text >> Jack**

so it’s not the right time to lighten the mood yet??

 

**Outgoing text >> Jack**

you know i’d trust you with my entire life jack. but i couldn’t do this to you

 

**

 

He doesn’t make it to Zoe’s house. Instead, Tony Stark offers to take him to Germany. He’s quick to leave his room, Tony Stark walking behind him like he’s a man on a mission.

If only he had turned around on his way out of the door. He would have seen a terrified Jack, looking for the words to beg Joe to stay.

 

**

 

He comes back in an almost delirious mood, not sure if the whole meeting Tony Stark thing had actually happened. He’s met the Avengers, had fought by their side and he even managed to steal Captain America’s shield! It’s much heavier than the washing powder box he had used when he was messing with Jack and Josh in the first year they lived together.

As soon as he goes home to the empty apartment, he puts his new suit on, and goes out on the streets to patrol. There isn’t much to do, expect for an old lady who needs help carrying her shopping, and helping a kid who had lost her parents on her day out in London. He reunites the family and poses for a selfie with the little girl who he helped, and he feels pretty good. He’s on his way home, when he sees a burglary in the sandwich shop he frequently visits with Conor.

He expects a quick fight, a pat on the back from the police, and a free sandwich for his journey home. But the burglar has a gun, and he doesn’t, which is a little unfair.

“There’s much nicer ways to order sandwiches,” he says, as he steps forward to make himself known. “Leaving a tip helps, that’s something I’ve learned. And not hitting on the chef’s daughter. I think I was fed gone off turkey once just for calling her beautiful.”

“If you knew what was best for you, you’d walk away and forget you ever saw anything,” the man says, and Joe can hear a slight tremble in his voice.

And see, if Joe was wearing his normal everyday clothes, he would, all while trying not to piss himself on the spot, and he’d let this guy go without mentioning a thing. The only issue is that he isn’t a regular student at this point in time. He’s wearing a red and blue suit that everyone and their mother recognises as something more than just a man pretending to be a spider, and it’s unfortunate but it's true. He has responsibilities that are bigger than he could ever be, and he has people to protect.

As much as he likes to pretend he’s near-indestructible, his entire body is still aching all over from the fight in Germany that was only a few hours ago. But that being said, he’s on a roll with making bad life choices, because he doesn’t even think twice when he lunges forward to tackle the guy to the ground.

Just as he gets a powerful kick to the older man’s shins, he feels a bullet rip through his new suit and hit him in the arm. He almost lets out a scream, but he knows that he can’t give up. This man could kill him, and it doesn’t look like he’d think twice about it.

And he can’t die, not yet. There’s so much he has left in him – he wants to spend more time with Zoe and Alfie, he wants to visit his parents and tell them all about his new life. He wants to make Tony proud, and to one day become an Avenger. But more than anything? He really wants to kiss Jack again. He wants to tell him how much he loves him, to take the chance and dive in, to fully give himself to the man he’s loved for years.

Joe manages to grab the gun with his web from the man’s hand, and he uses it to hit him on the back of the head. The man goes down quickly, and Joe lays on the floor, taking deep heavy breaths.

The police come, and he picks himself up to see the man off. It’s the least he can do, since the burglar had actually shot him.  

“Are you okay kid?” the officer asks him, and he nods at her question. “You’re bleeding.”

“I’ve had worse,” he says with a shrug. “Just a regular day in the life of a superhero.”

She doesn’t share his sense of humour, because he watches her frown. “Not all superheroes are invincible.”

“I’ll be okay,” he finally says, his heart racing ever so slightly. He always is. Whatever is in his way, he manages to come out okay. Because he has to, he has to find a way to carry on. If not for him, but for his sister, who has said goodbye to too many loved ones.

She smiles, sadly. “Thank you, Spider Man. For everything that you do.”

 

**

 

He doesn’t feel so great after that. His heeling abilities are taking longer to kick in, and he doesn’t actually know what he’s going to do.

He doesn’t think – that’s his excuse. But he webs onto the window of the bedroom beside his, and gently taps on it. He watches Jack open the curtains, and quickly opens the window. Joe practically falls inside, and Jack has to catch him before he smacks his face on the floor.

He lets Jack pull off his mask, and smiles weakly at his best friend. “Surprise?”

“What happened to you?” Jack asks, panicked at the sight of Joe who is definitely feeling worse for wear.

“I think I’ve been shot,” he says, then shakes his head. “I was definitely shot in the arm. Probably got a few bruises here and there too. I got into a bit of a run in with someone.”

“You need to go to the hospital!” Jack says, and Joe’s quick to turn serious.

“You can’t do that. How do I explain being shot? They’ll know who I am, everyone will find out about me. I can’t have that.”

“So what do you want me to do?” Jack practically shouts, and Joe shushes him, mindful of their two other roommates.

“I’ll heel in a few hours, my body does that. I just need – I don’t know, a first aid kit? Some painkillers?”

Jack goes out of the room, hunting down anything he can find that will help the situation, and Joe’s left on his own in Jack’s bedroom. He knows this is kind of messed up since Jack’s having a hard time with even looking him in the eyes since he put two and two together, but there’s no one else he can turn to. The thug he normally goes to for life advice is locked up for breaking into yet another shop, which is honestly just such an inconvenience for him. They have a great rapport and they just _get_ each other.

“You look like shit.”

“Sounds about right,” he groans, as he watches Jack return. He sits down beside him on the bed and gets to work with whatever he could find. The time Jack spends tending to his arm is time that they spend in silence, but it isn’t exactly awkward. It’s comfortable (the silence, not his arm because _holy shit_ he hates getting shot at) and it feels just like normal.

He winces as he feels a sharp pain shoot up his arm, and he smiles when Jack apologises. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for. You’re not the one that shot me.”

Jack tapes some gauze to Joe’s shoulder, careful not to hurt him too much. His expression is unreadable, especially in the dark. “You’re good to go,” Jack says, finally, as he moves his arms away.

Joe doesn’t move though, and Jack doesn’t make him leave. They stay there in the darkness, letting everything that’s been left unsaid fill the silence.

Jack eventually swings his feet onto the bed, motioning for Joe to do the same. He feels the blanket being pushed onto him, and he turns to his side to face Jack. “Thank you.”

“I’m mad at you,” Jack tells him. “I’m mad that you got hurt because of me. I watched as those men attacked you, and I didn’t even know it was you. And then you push me away when I realise who you are, and I have to watch you leave with that asshole Tony Stark and I have to tell myself that you’re going to be okay, that you won’t get yourself hurt. And now you come here, having been shot, and all I can do is put some gauze on it and hope you’re not lying about being able to heal yourself.”

“I was going to tell you. Maybe not anytime soon, but it would have happened,” Joe explains. “I didn’t want you to find out like that, I wanted to be the one who told you everything. But – I couldn’t say it, not yet. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t tell you. What kind of shitty friend would I be if I forced you to keep my secret with me?”

“You’ve always carried too much burdens on your shoulders. Let me help Joe,” Jack says, and Joe finds himself on the verge of a panic attack.

“I’m not normal,” Joe chokes out. “There is an entire city that loves and or hates my guts. Every single day is unpredictable and terrifying. You’re the only thing in my life that’s been a constant and I’m scared. I don’t—I can’t lose you too.”

“You won’t lose me,” Jack whispers, placing an arm on his shoulder.

“I will. The people I love die, and I can’t lose you too. I don’t think I could take it. That would be on _me_ , and Jack I can’t risk it. You’re too important to me.”

“You’re right. You’re not normal, you’re a hero,” Jack says, slowly. “But you’re also an idiot. An idiot with a giant heart and a stupid mask and a long, long life ahead of you. And I plan on being there, helping in any way that I can. I’m on your side Spidey.”

Joe shuts his eyes, and imagines the world that Jack is painting for him.

“And if you get tired of being a hero for everyone else but yourself, I’ll be there too. Always.”

 

**

 

In the morning, he feels a lot lighter. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders now that someone knows.

He sits beside Jack as the two eat their breakfast, listening to the news broadcast that’s playing on the TV. There’s an alien invasion of some sort, and Joe can feel his spidey senses telling him that he needs to go. He turns to Jack who just smiles, as he lifts Joe’s plate up to wash up.

“Go get them Spider Man.” 

 

**

 

“It’s fitting that we’re here on her birthday,” he says, standing across from the two grave stones in front of them. “I hope she likes the flowers we got her. I never know what to get her, you know? It’s hard getting a birthday present for a dead relative.”

It’s probably not the best time to make a comment like that, judging by the slap he gets on his shoulder. He kneels down at his mother’s grave and places the bouquet of peonies down. The lady working in the flower shop had told him they meant healing, which he thought was quite fitting for the occasion.  

“I’m sorry I don’t come over to visit more often. I’ve been really busy lately, but I’m going to make more time for the both of you. Because I’m slowly realising, with some help from a pretty cool person I know, that it’s okay to feel down every now and then. And it’s okay to still miss you guys. I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing you two. But I’m living my own life now, and I’m doing these crazy things that I hope you’re watching.” He likes to think they’re watching him, wherever they are, together again. “I still get really scared about everything that’s happened. But there’s a boy I know, that I think you’d really love. He helps me through it all, even when I’m being difficult and I feel like I deserve to feel the pain. He’s helping me realise that life is worth _living_ again, not to just get by.”

He feels a hand intertwine with his, and he looks up to see Jack smiling at him. He wants to shout out the sudden declaration of love for him that’s at the top of his fingertips, but by looking in Jack’s eyes he knows he doesn’t have to. Jack knows everything.

And what’s even better? Jack loves him back.

 

**

 

Zoe takes the news surprisingly well. She cries, but she knows that there’s nothing she can actually do to stop him from playing the role of the superhero London needs. And she tells him that she’s proud of him, of the man he’s become without the mask.

He falls into bed with Jack that night, Jack’s hands reaching out to cradle his cheeks. His fingertips are cold against Joe’s skin. But his chest feels alight with a warmth that he never thought he’d be able to call his.

“You’re my hero _Joe_ ,” Jack says, thumb brushing against Joe’s bottom lip, and closes the distance between them, lips hovering over Joe’s.

He counts the seconds again and prays he isn’t dreaming when he feels the kiss come to life. Warmth travels through his veins like a wildfire, and Joe thinks that he's never really truly believed he’d get his happily ever after before. But Jack, like always, proves him wrong.

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a small flat down town, there’s a boy sitting with his group of friends, crowded around a TV set. They’re watching the news, not having moved since that alien ship landed on the streets of London. He can make out the red and blue suit he has grown to love, flinging himself onto the ship before it leaves earth.

He sits, and he waits. He’s not even sure what he’s waiting for. Anything. A sign that Joe is going to be okay.

But he watches as the news anchor vanishes into dust mid-sentence. The camera suddenly falls to the floor, and there’s a distinctive scream ringing out in the studio that fills the apartment. He turns to look at his friends, seeing the same look of dread on all of their faces. This can’t be it.

Against all odds, they all make it. And their hearts fill with hope, eyes landing on the empty chair beside them.

_Come on Spider Man_ , he thinks, _I believe in you_.


End file.
